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Baby is now wearing the clothes that Rose wore last year at this time. In fact, it’s almost a year to the day they left our home.
It’s strangely sad seeing these clothes – I guess because we got such strange closure with their case. We miss them too, of course. I still think about them a lot. Maybe I should have Lulu find out their situation. Maybe they’ll be looking for a new home in about a month.
Kids start their overnights this weekend. Mark was very excited, of course. “I’m so glad I get to stay the night. I really needed a break.”
Me: “From me?”
Mark: “Yeah.”
We’re all starting to get that final countdown itch. There’ve been signs that the judge may well start overnights this week, and even without, the kids are spending most of their weekend hours with Mom and Dad.
I need to start putting their lifebook together – should I do one for both or two separate? Hmm. I’ll have to think about that. With school, they’ve each had lots of unique experiences, but still lots of overlap.
I need to figure out how to plan a little ‘going-away’ party for them and their friends. By the time we get close enough to know for sure, they’ll be spending the entire weekend with parents, so I guess I could do it on a Thursday afternoon. I’m not thinking anything big: just a few friends from school and the neighborhood. But what should we do? Games seem a little too festive, but I don’t want it to be depressing. Plus they’re kids, so I can’t expect them to sit around and just talk. Maybe just have a regular playdate plus some cake and one of those cardboard picture frames that their friends could sign. Then I could take a picture of everyone to put it in it. That might work.
I’m impressed too with how the kids are handling things pyschologically. I wonder if they are feeling that same déja vu I am, and if they’re wondering if it could all get messed up again. Plus the general mental strain from so much back and forth between two very different parenting styles. A few months left at most, which doesn’t seem like much to me and their parents, but to them, every weekend must be adding to that frustration.
In our district, the classrooms have three parties a year, plus teacher gifts, plus each classroom makes a basket for the school auction. So I know it makes sense for the room parents to ask each family for a donation.
But when I have four children enrolled, three of those classes are asking $10 each, and one of them is asking $15, it starts to get obnoxious. I know $45 isn’t that much, but most of it is paying for plastic Chinese throw-aways and sugary snacks.
OTC, anyone?
So since Nikki and Mark are going home by December, would it be petty of me to just send $5 to cover their part of the school year?
(I know what the answer is, and I won’t really send in just $5, but I sure am going to feel huffy sending $10! I’ll be sure to put on my most indignant airs when I put the envelopes in their backpacks.)
I wish I could just forget the past few days. Nikki had a cold and so was exceptionally crabby and argumentative. Even Mom noticed it.
And this afternoon, Mark started in on an argumentative streak. I did not handle things very well, culminating in me hollering at him when he was the last one left at the table “Will you turn around and stop watching the other kids for the last time!! Just sit still and eat your dinner!!” I then pushed his chair in so he was snug against the table.
Hey, I’m just hoping to make you feel better about your parenting. 🙂
Mark’s brought home a dirty joke. The funny part is, he couldn’t retell it the right way. I still shut him down from telling the other kids, but since he didn’t seem to understand what liqueur was or that he got the punch line all wrong (it’s supposed to be ketchup, liqueur and rubber buns; all he remembered was liqueur, ketchup and buns) I’m not too worried about his innocence. Probably the kids who told him got it right, so he knew it was ‘sexy’, but didn’t understand it enough to retell.
Unfortunately, he did get the ‘hairy pickle’ joke right, knew what it was talking about and managed to tell Nikki before I noticed.
I don’t really care that much; I remember those sorts of jokes from when I was about this age, and boy, were they hilarious. So I’ve told him I don’t care if his friends tell him jokes about private parts, but if he repeats any of them at home, he is in big trouble.
So, I talked to Mark’s teacher. The gist of Mark’s behavior problem at school is a self-soothing noise he makes. It’s not constant by any means, and it doesn’t really bother us at home (it does get to me occasionally) but it is definitely something that is distracting the other kids. So he needs to learn how to refocus it.
Mark’s teacher seemed to be think it was something Mark could control. I suspected otherwise and his teacher is inexperienced, but I wasn’t comfortable just arguing with him. (I’m always wary of being the mom who thinks her kid is special and doesn’t need to follow the rules.) He wanted to set up a behavior plan with me right then on the phone, so I agreed to a 3 strikes sort of plan, but then got right back on the phone with the school’s counselor.
She backed me up that it is a self-soothing measure he can learn to control but in much slower, smaller steps. She spoke with the teacher and he is going to switch tactics with us, but I hope I didn’t create an awkward situation. I told him I didn’t want him to feel like I was over-riding him, but rather that I was just looking for ideas. I don’t know if he believed me, but he acted like it at least.
Bad news today: Phone call today from Mark’s teacher saying he’s having some behavior problems. So why am I signing off on Mark’s planner everyday where the teacher comments “Great day today!”??
Bad news last week: The kids’ parents lost their main income source. Don’t know how this effects the case and/or reunification. Or even visits. Weather’s getting colder and free visit spots are hard to come by.
It worked! I got Mom on my side, psyched Mark up, and he had a great practice!
The other kids did pass him the ball, he had more fun, and his team won the scrimmage. (Mark is a very sore loser, so if his team lost last week, that may have had a lot to do with his feelings.)
I am honestly so relieved. I don’t think I could’ve handled haranguing/pushing him into another practice.
I’ve been altering and reposting some of Mark and Nikki’s story to be more anonymous, and rereading old posts is sure an eye-opener.
I’m disappointed in myself at how much my attitude towards them has changed. In the very beginning, I was a lot more sympathetic. Now that they’ve been here 10 months, should I not be as maternal? They are still missing their parents, although they do feel a lot more secure here. I’m going to continue contemplating this.
Also, Mark has made huge strides in his eating habits! I’d forgotten how many issues we used to have with food. Today, for example, I told him he’d really need to eat a healthy dinner with lots of veggies and he cheerfully agreed. (This was, of course, after his request to have some fast food lunch with a friend, and also in response to the food he consumed with Mom and Dad yesterday, which was 4 doughnuts, McD’s hamburger, fries and a shake.)
Where's The Party? 