Well, it’s back to waiting.

Before our licensing was finished, I compared my feelings to the feelings I had during the last weeks of my pregnancies: nervous, excited, in a hurry to begin but also enjoying the blissful ignorance of the present.

But now, with our license in hand for more than two weeks!, I am feeling more like I did when I was past due: angry, annoyed, impatient.  Unfortunately, this circumstance also involves a paralyzing inability to plan for the future.  Should I volunteer to help out in my son’s preschool class next week? No…we might get a placement before then.  Could we go to a show in a few weeks?  Probably not, but then again, I’ve been putting things off and declining events since January in anticipation of our licensing!  I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised.  This is a state-government agency, one not known for its swiftness.

So until P-day, I rush to answer every phone call between 9 and 5 M-F (it might be Lulu), I never go anywhere without my cell (she calls it second), and I try to evaluate every situation for my preparedness (how would I handle this if I had two extra children who didn’t trust me or feel any loyalty to me?).   Finally, I try as hard as I can, in spite of my impatience, to be grateful for the relative calm I enjoy now.

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